Lily McManus called coming second on The Bachelor NZ a "twisted experience" that hit her "hard".
The 20-year-old posted an emotional message on Instagram following the final episode, in which Zac Franich let her go and chose Viarni Bright instead.
Lily says she's proud of Zac, cares for Viarni and is glad she was "100 percent" herself; but she's clearly still hurting after coming second on the show.
"Not a lot hits me hard, but this sure did. This whole twisted experience is going stay inside me for a real long time.
"To the family that I made, thanks for ruining my brain cells with your interview questions, thanks for putting up with my s***, sorry for all the trouble I intentionally caused, thanks for the laughs and more importantly thanks for the love."
Lily was seen as a free spirit, with Zac saying he didn't want to "cage her butterfly" as he sent her packing. In her Instagram post, she suggests her mum wanted her to rein her personality in.
"I stuck to everything that I believe in, and as much as my mother wants to break my knees for it, I was 100 percent myself."
Despite hurt feelings however, Lily is staying positive, sending a sweet message to Zac, Viarni and her own fans.
"I'm bloody proud of [Zac], you're a good man. I care a whole heap about [Viarni] and yourself, honestly I couldn't want anything more than for you both to be happy.
"To everyone that's been sending their love and to everyone who has been personally offended by my table manners, thank you."